What our Babywearing Photos Mean to Me

Today I posted our "Purple Woolie Up Up" for sale.  I carried my daughter in it for more than three years.  My husband carried her in it for more than three years.  When I posted it on our local BST boards, my heart was heavy and I felt that watery weight behind my eyes.

I have bought and sold so many wraps and carriers over the last 4.5 years - but for some reason this one felt heavy and sad. When one sells a carrier, most people don't care about its significance to your family, or your heart, or that you are tearing up as you hit "post".  As I tried to find the simple words like "Oscha Wool Metamorphosis Conversion In-Between Size..." my fingers typed...

This carrier means more to me than the value I'm about to post it for.  This is where my daughter napped for 3 years while we walked around my neighbourhood.  This is the wool that kept her warm on my back in the winter while we walked along the Rideau Canal.  These are the straps that feel like home when they rest across my shoulders because it meant my daughter was close to me.  This buckle waist? - it's what held her up as it softly and perfectly molded to my back when she was teething when she was two.  This carrier is the only place she settled into when she was sick with a cough that wouldn't allow her to sleep - so I walked outside with her on my belly so I could watch and feel her breathe.

Ottawa Babywearing Group Dad Byward Market Purple Carrier
 

And then I needed to find a photo to sell it...

And the tears came rushing in.  Full on, tissue-requiring-sweat-inducing-puffy-eye-tears.  My daughter will be five in 2 months.  She doesn't even ask to go up anymore.  She is now the one that chooses carriers for her 16 month old brother to be carried in.  I don't know the last time I carried her.  I don't remember the last time. 

Mom and toddler double hammock back carry in Ottawa babywearing photo session

But my body remembers, my heart remembers...

When I touch this carrier (and every one we've carried her in), it's all there.  The coziness, the cuddles, the exhaustion when she couldn't sleep, every walk, every wrap-nap, every time her fingers reached into the carrier to rub my ribs. I think of the hours she spent in it with her Dad - how many great conversations they had while he carried her. And now I'm supposed to sell it?

I have the photos...

A fellow babywearing friend who I met through the Ottawa Babywearing Group 4.5 years ago reminded me though, "Thankfully you have so many beautiful photos."  She's right.  I will treasure these photos always.  I hope they will always bring me back to all these feelings I'm feeling right now with this carrier in my hands.  I know this carrier will mean so much to another family and it's time for me to let it go - but it's really hard.

Before it goes, maybe I'll ask my husband for one more photo before we say goodbye.  I know it's not the wrap or carrier that holds the memories, I know it's our hearts - but this is why I'm thankful for the photos.  

I need a tissue.